This morning, I felt some resistance to sitting down to write, but at the same time, I sensed a curiosity to explore what might be underneath it.
It is a rainy day where we live, and we have just turned our clocks back to winter time, bringing darkness earlier into the afternoon. As I sat down to meditate, I became aware of a heaviness, almost like a dark filter covering my perception of the world today. It felt both foreign and familiar.
I decided to explore this feeling using some energy alchemy techniques I am learning as part of the 12-month mentorship training I am participating in this year. This experience also brought to mind something the Mother of Pondicherry once spoke about: what she calls the web of falsehood.
“It´s like a veil of falsehood over truth; that´s what is responsible for everything we see here. If one takes that off, things will be completely different, entirely different. When one comes out of this ordinary consciousness and enters the truth-consciousness, one is so amazed that things like suffering, misery, death and all that can exist. There´s a kind of astonishment; one doesnt understand how that can happen once one has tipped over to the other side. But that experience is usually associated with the experience of the unreality of the world as we know it - its only the unrealy of falsehood, not the unreality of the world."
I often find myself feeling as though I am a human guinea pig, here to explore how some of these spiritual concepts for the new humanity can be lived through the practical details of my life. I deeply trust that the true longings of our individual souls are access points for what the world soul - or Mother, or creation itself - is seeking to manifest.
As I took a walk in the rain after meditating, I found myself reflecting on my own life and longings. There are things I have longed for over the past few years that have gradually come into being. I knew I had not experienced the true potential of human partnership and wanted to do so. I deeply desired a cat. I longed for a new home for my partner and me, outside the city, in a small house or cabin with nature right outside our doorstep. A place where we wouldn't share a building with neighbours, where we could play music and enjoy silence.
I wanted us to be able to buy a car, too. I know this might seem like a small thing to many people, but after living in the city for the past twenty years without needing a car - and, honestly, finding the idea of owning one a little scary - it felt like a big step for me. Slowly, step by step, these things have come about.
I also sensed a soul wanting to be born through us. I have experienced the death of that dream many, many times throughout my life, and have also found myself at peace with its possible absence. And now, I am pregnant, waiting for our baby to be born in December.
There is something deeply fulfilling about seeing our soul longings take shape in the world, while holding the understanding that only those things aligned with the greater good of all can truly come into being. I know, in my heart, that creation wants us to be deeply well. Not through excess, and not at the expense of others, the Earth, or animals, but well in a way that is aligned with the whole - with the resources of our planet and the natural systems that sustain us.
Bringing this back to the dark filter I experienced this morning, and to the web of falsehood the Mother of Pondicherry spoke about.
As I explored this web, this filter, getting to know it and allowing it to dissolve, I experienced it as false, just as the Mother of Pondicherry described it. It felt like something superimposed on me and on the world, something that wasn't true and that could, in fact, dissolve completely.
When I looked at my life through this filter, my mind began creating scenarios I dreaded.
Having very little money. My partner not being able to stay in Sweden because of the incredibly strict immigration laws of our time. Having to take a job that drains me and raise our child as a single parent. Not being able to afford high-quality food for my cat (this one hit hard!).
Essentially, a life lived in survival mode. Of course, some of these circumstances are real in our world today: financial insecurity, immigration restrictions, and the demands of parenthood. What I experience as false, however, is the fearful lens through which my mind interprets them. The circumstances may be real, but the reality my mind constructs around them - the dread, the sense of inevitable loss, the feeling of being trapped in a life of constant struggle - is something else entirely.
As I mentioned earlier, I worked with some energy alchemy practices. I de-energized the dark filter and filled the empty spaces it left behind with the truest essence of my soul (these are practices I teach through my mentorship programs and groups). Then I looked at my life again, this time from a different place: from the knowing that existence wants us to be deeply well and to live sustainably, including in ways that honours the needs of our souls and bodies.
What I want for my life is to have the time and space to slowly settle into life with our baby next year. Eventually, I want to begin working again, and my dream is to work no more than four hours a day, with my work nourishing my soul by allowing me to serve and live out my purpose. I want us to be able to afford healthy food for our family (including high-quality cat food!). I want us to have time to care for our bodies, spend time in nature, and enjoy swims in natural waters.
I want us to experience the security of knowing that if our car, phone, or computer breaks down, we can afford to replace it without it becoming a crisis. I also want to continue exploring a local initiative to create a community where people live in their own small homes while sharing common spaces and potentially move there in a few years.
And I want to demonstrate to our child that living in deep alignment with our souls is one of the greatest ways we can serve the whole. That we don't have to compromise our love of simplicity, spaciousness, and calm in order to live a financially stable life. I don't believe that the Mother, the Supreme, or the very purpose of human existence is for us to live under constant pressure, in a state of lack, or feeling that we must compromise our souls in order to survive. And yet, embodying this understanding is a slow process. It certainly isn't the reality for most human beings today
So, how can I serve and contribute to this conviction?
For me, one way is to become increasingly aware of the conditioning, beliefs, and traumas - ancestral, collective, and individual - that shape my sense of identity and my perception of what is possible in my life. And then, to continuously work on clearing these layers, one at a time, as I encounter them within the different dimensions of my being. To make sure I am not living from an outdated perception of reality, but instead allowing my soul to express itself by following what I sense to be true in my heart.
I don't know where I'll be a year from now, or whether the nightmare visions I have of my life will become my reality, whether the longings and dreams I hold will come to fruition, or whether it will be some mixture of both. But I know that I will continue to be a human guinea pig, exploring what is possible. And I want to stay in remembrance that this work is my service to the world: my way of supporting the world soul in expressing itself more freely through us, without the limitations of outdated human conditioning.
And so, for now, I will let this be where the exploration begins again. Not in knowing what the future holds, or in having figured out how to live free from the web of falsehood, but in becoming a little more conscious of what colours my perception of reality. Perhaps this, too, is a way of serving the world soul: one morning, one longing, one layer at a time.
If you also want to explore this together with me and others you are invited to join my November offering “Entering the New Potential” through the link below. I would love to meet you there.
